So how do we begin to heal? How do we begin to see our journey and life as one of beauty, magic, mystery, hope, and ultimately, what I call BIG HEART LOVE? How are able to begin to forgive and find joy and peace in the ups and downs of this vida loca?
I believe it requires, in the beginning, a willingness to suspend disbelief. It's like when you go to the theatre to see a movie or a play. You must tell yourself "I am willing to accept that actor is not Tom Cruise, he is really Jerry McGuire and he has girl troubles. You must tell yourself that it is possible that he changes his ways, heals his pain and fear, and selfishness, and then is able to get the girl, the contract, and regain his top agent status all in the time frame of 2hours or in under the span of a year," (let's say.) So, cool. Popcorn, soda, Jerry Macguire, "You complete me....", "You had me at 'hello'" and all the stuff that makes going to the movies fun and an escape from the ordinariness of, or the hectic-ness of the day. You leave and you kind of have a little spring in your step, or if you saw a movie that was deep and dark and maybe even a little sad, well, you have something to think about, something to give you pause, and reflect on the human condition, right?
Well, I am going to tell you that if you are willing to suspend disbelief (in the beginning) that you will realize that this life is like a movie. Its fun, its magic, its not what it seems, its an illusion, and you are the co-director of the movie called, LIFE. And there is a HAPPY ENDING!!!!!Yay! I love those...
But, in order to see the movie, you must REAL EYES. What? Yes, not realize...not real-ize (as in "Here is my flat tire, in the middle of rush hour, on my way to a big meeting, and I just spilled my Starbucks all over my new suit!"), that is looking only at the picture with eyes meant for the physical plane. I mean put on your REAL EYES, the one that some cultures call your "third eye" or even maybe your intuition. You must be able to see the bigger picture. The one meant for spiritual understanding and growth. Some might simply call it faith.
Of course, faith is something that is inherently based on the unseen and, perhaps, the un-provable (is that a word?). But sometimes we all need a little help, don't we? Sometimes we know that we need an intervention from God, angels, spirit guides, or whatever we believe has a power that is higher than what we think of as ourselves. Yet, sometimes, we pray or ask for help and have little faith that we are worthy to receive. Many of us have been taught that we are separate form our Creator, that we need to prove our worthiness, or our needs are not important enough to be heard. This could not be farther from the truth. We are intimately connected to the Creator. So much so, that there is not a way to be separated, unless we choose not to see with our real eyes. When we begin to see the world with our real eyes,we are then able to see that we are all connected. Not only to the Creator, but to each other. I mean interconnected. It is from this point of view that the walls of judgement, shame, ego, fear, anger, jealousy, and hate dissolve. When we KNOW we are all one in the DIVINE, and that this life is a spiritual exercise (or exorcise- as the case often is), then we can accept with joy and peace the drama, the game, or the movie as it unfolds. It is all good in the end.
As we approach the Easter celebration, we look at the life of Jesus. I started to write, "and death," but that really isn't what we are supposed to focus on is it? The road leading up to the crucifixion certainly was painful, certainly didn't seem "fair," certainly is hard to imagine. However, it seems to me, that the whole point of this drama, the whole point of Jesus' life and all of His teachings, was to ask us to see beyond the physical. To understand that his life never was about the crucifixion, it was about the faith He put in the Creator. It was about the journey leading up to the transformation. Spirit, manifested as physical, and back again to Spirit. He taught that this was life for all of us. We must surrender to the will of God, knowing that God's will is why we are here to begin with. Our purpose is to co-create His Spirit which is only one of love and compassion and those together ARE forgiveness. Giving our physical life, consciously, over to the Highest Good is what its all about.
My personal real eyes-ation began after one of my many surgeries for endometriosis. The surgery went twice the time they anticipated for the "worst case scenario" and I woke up partially paralyzed. I will write more on this later, however, that was the time when I made the conscious decision to not only surrender, but to see the good in the situation, to see the opportunity for spiritual growth and hopefully understanding. It was HAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD! I truly died in many ways at that time, and had to be brought back to life and the land of the living with the support of family, friends, drugs, books, prayers, a leopard print cane, and many many many buckets of tears. But my cross was carried, and my transformation took place, one baby step at a time- literally and figuratively-, and God knows I have gotten back up, only to be knocked back down. But each time, my faith grew stronger. My willingness to accept what I didn't understand became my journey. My intention was to have the faith of Jesus. I literally said that! So, I did whatever I had to, in order to learn more about faith, God, healing, love, compassion. I learned the connection between spiritual health and disease was directly linked to physical health and disease. And the only way to heal was to begin with the Spirit.
One of the books I read, and I have read MANY, is called DISCOVERING YOUR SOUL MISSION by Linda Brady. I found it at half price books as I literally sat hunkered in a corner crying uncontrollably. A woman asked me what I was looking for. I told her I didn't know. I mean, I was in the spirituality area, and I was looking at more metaphysical books, (because, as you will read about later- along with body parts, I also had to leave an abusive 31/2 year relationship at the hospital), so I was looking for many answers as to WHY?!? WHY? WHYYYYY???? I never looked up at her as she continued to offer me help to find a book. I suppose part of it was utter shame and embarrassment, some of it anger at having someone be nice to me as I wallowed in my sorrow, some of it that I truthfully hoped a book would just show up titled, WHY YOU CAN'T WALK, WHY YOU ARE ALONE, AND HOW YOU CAN KNOW THE FUTURE WILL BE ALL RIGHT: IT STARTS TOMORROW AND HERE'S HOW....but it didn't. So instead, I rudely asked her to leave me alone and told her I would find something myself. Well this angel grabbed three books off the shelf, knelt down to me, and told me she recommended these, and she didn't mean to interrupt. So, finally, I looked at her. "Do you work here?" "No" she said, "I have just been THERE, sweetie. It will get better." Great, now I'm wailing to a complete stranger. Holding on to her for dear life. So grateful for her interruption. "Thank you," I said. "I'm sorry." And of course as all angels do, she replied, "No need to apologize. God Bless."
So, I begin to read the book by Linda Brady. In it, she discusses synchronicity and serendipity. She discusses Jung's thoughts that "meaningful coincidences are unthinkable as pure chance; they have to be thought of as meaningful arrangements. And meaning is what we are looking for in the symbols we create each day." She also refers to serendipity as "understanding and appreciating that unexpected outcomes are just as viable to our evolution and and happiness as expected ones." Her suggestion is to pick a tangible symbol that represents something to you, be it a color, a favorite animal, a symbol, any thing, that when you see it, reminds you that "no matter what is going on, regardless of how painful the moment, it reminds... that a wonderful, unexpected surprise is waiting to be discovered."
So, this is what I did. I saw my need to have a symbol that helped me in my faith. I needed to have something tangible that was like a whisper from God, saying "You're on the right path kid, I'm with you, I got your back." So given that I knew I was in the middle of a transformation, and a sudden realization that I had to surrender to it, I chose the butterfly. Amazingly, after I did so, I real eyesd that on my mirror I had already taped a saying "You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar to become a butterfly. And later, as I began to see butterflies, (more on that later), I realized that years before, my father had said to me in the way he only could- frustrated and brusquely, "Missy, you are so talented. Smart. But you won't stay still long enough for anything. To do something with your life! You keep flitting around like a god damned butterfly! One day a brain surgeon, the next day a race car driver! Just pick something and stick with it!" I remembered that day feeling shame and guilt for what really was a frustrating truth for both of us. But I now remember that day as a magical day foreshadowing what I hope is my greatest legacy: to surrender to the journey God lays out for me. To know in my heart that He is not only with me, but within me, and that I can have peace in the times of my life when I must experience a kind of death- to be transformed again, and again, and again. I'm truly grateful for the day I woke up and could not physically walk; felt so scared and alone, for it was also the day I took my first step walking spiritually, hand in hand with my Creator. Today, I see butterflies everywhere when I need to, and I feel my spiritual wings. I have more peace, love, and compassion for myself as well as for others. What a gift!
Happy Easter or Happy Spring! Take some time to think about your synchronicity or serendipity symbol. Choose one and suspend disbelief. KNOW that you will see your symbol when you need to, and that that is Spirit's way of letting you know- you are starting to see with real eyes.