Belly Dancing

So, I started belly dancing classes last week which is something I have wanted to do since I had an emergency surgery last July. This surgery was a series of at least 5 hospitalizations in the last 3 years including 3 surgeries for endometriosis, bowel obstructions as a result of scar tissue, and a colon resection. After one surgery in 2007, I awoke to partial paralysis as a result of the surgery taking twice the amount of time that was suggested would be the worst case scenario. I had to overcome the nerve damage and begin the slow, but steady, and often times painful process of walking again. It was after this surgery that I realized that God was talking to me through my body and my recurring issues with perfectionism, control, and personal responsibility.
I was also in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship at the time- one that I am grateful for now because it also taught me, and brought me to the same place of awareness- that something was seriously going to have to change within me- spiritually and emotionally- before I could heal physically. Or more importantly deal physically with the present. So, along with body parts, I left the relationship in the hospital- and spiraled into depression. What was all this about anyway?!? Why me?
And what I know now is it had to be me. All of these things have been pieces of a journey that I needed in order to do what I am doing now, which is writing about healing and spiritual truth.

I have read many books on spirituality and healing and I will write about many of the other ways I have found to connect with God, or Spirit, but one author has been very helpful to me in connecting many of the dots between spiritual and physical healing- Caroline Myss. Her most recent book- Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing is very easy to read and connects the teachings of Christianity, Kabbalah, and Chakra energy to spiritual growth, awareness, and healing.

So, here's the tough part- I am going to admit to the world that I have deep seated fears. The good news is that I have also overcome many of them, but I still find myself wrestling with some involving, mostly, I think, abandonment and self esteem. These fears are deeply seated in the second and third chakras. According to Myss- and now my personal experience- these chakras relate to the sacrament of communion and confirmation by which we learn honor one another and honor oneself.
Physical illnesses that stem from fears of the 2nd chakra are found in the "sexual organs, large intestine, lower vertebrae, pelvis, hip area, appendix, and bladder...illnesses that originate in this center are activated by fear of losing control." Fears stemming from the 3rd chakra manifest in the "stomach, pancreas, adrenals, upper intestines, gallbladder, liver, middle spine, located behind the solar plexus.....illnesses that originate here are activated by issues related to self responsiblity, self esteem, fear of rejection, and an oversensitivity to criticism."

What does this have to do with belly dancing you ask? Everything! Listen, the first thing I understood when I found myself unable to walk was that as much as I wanted to control my life, to make perfect choices, to control the actions of others (ie-abusive man), outcomes (ie-the relationship status), etc, I could only control my reaction to that which I must surrender to a higher power and purpose. I literally cried out one day as I was walking out into the world with my new cane- "OK! I surrender! I do NOT understand! I will accept this as a sign that I must trust the journey and it begins with being grateful for baby steps." The paradox of gaining control and personal responsibility is that first we must surrender. It has NOT been easy! I landed my butt and colon back in that hospital many times after that, and I hope I will not again, but who knows? So, in July, when I had to have yet another surgery, and this time they needed to make the incision vertical from pelvis up past my belly button- guess who felt sorry for herself and wondered again- who will want THIS body all cut up and scarred? And why again? I am trying sooooo haaarrrd! Well, you know, I did feel that way for all of a few days, but soon I realized that again, I needed to find the lesson. Perhaps I will never know why in God's scheme, it's too big to fathom, but I see for myself, that I need to accept what I can not control with grace and style and a touch of humor. So, my thoughts were to 1) turn the scar into a giant daisy tattoo, or 2) take belly dancing classes.
I am owning my body, scarred or not. I am owning my emotional state, scarred or not. I am owning my power to move through the world with joy, style, and a certain amount of uncertainty that I know or have the right moves. I can shimmy, and shake, and not know all the steps or look perfect, or have the pefect love, or dance perfectly, but I AM DANCING. And I hope that whether I am dancing, designing, writing, loving, leaping, or crash landing, that my INTENTIONS to HEAL and GROW in love and light are manifesting in my belly and my heart.