This blog is born out of the realization that I have a story to tell. I have a story that really has no beginning and no end. It is a journey that is magical in all of its steps from heartbreak to healing, from darkness to light. And back again. And again. And again. It is the story of my journey inward that has led to this day, which is the day I begin the journey outward to share with anyone who cares to read it. The magic in all of this, is that this now is our journey. And it always has been. My intention is to share my story and through it, perhaps convince the unconvinced of the interconnectedness of us all. To show that we are connected by virtue of the Divine Creator/Spirit/Highest Power/All That is Good/Love/Nameless energy that is living in each one of us. I hope to show the power of intentional living. I hope to show the power of love and compassion- which I suppose is redundant- for healing ourselves and the world.

This is a diary of sorts, a self- help letter to the world. It is the day, that is the follow- up to the day, that I sat on the steps of my catholic grade school preparing for the cermony of my first Holy Communion. I will never forget that day- I hope- when the priest told us that if our parents were divorced, they wouldn't be able to receive the sacrament of communion in the ceremony- or ever- because they had sinned by divorcing. I was in shock. I thought, why? Weren't we receiving the "bread of life" symbolizing the ultimate sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins? I raised my hand in utter rebellion. The kind that does not wait to be called upon or thought about. It was the kind that spoke from what I KNEW intuitively was not right. "I don't think that's what JESUS would say!" Father H. looked at me with caring eyes that quietly said, "Maybe not, but that's the rule, little innocent one." The nuns looked at me and smiled, knowingly....
So, then and there, I decided I wanted to be the first woman priest. I wanted to change the rules which were not right. The rules were obviously made to be broken. They didn't make sense, and as I learned in therapy 30 years later, when something doesn't make sense, its because its nonsense. The TRUTH was being hidden and I knew it; my little innocent spirit knew it. The little innocent spirit that we are commanded to be when we want to know- in the intimate sense- our God/Father/Creator. In my innocence I believed all we had to do was say it wasn't right, and then things would change. Of course, as I grew, I became jaded. Things aren't always that easy, are they? Seemingly anyway. So, I lost my innocence. I began to develop another type of rebellion born of the desire to protect myself from the constant threat of being hurt or disappointed. I tried to control pretty much everything and when I couldn't, well, things could get ugly. Or pathetic.
Oh, I still had fight in me, you bet....
After 2nd grade and Holy Communion, comes 3rd grade and the chance to be an altar boy and part of the mass. I couldn't wait! It didn't yet strike me that altar boy contained the word "boy" which was supposed to be taken literally. Girls in the catholic church- at that time anyway- weren't allowed to participate in the mass as an altar boy. You could do a "reading" but not, you know, do the whole cool ceremony thing, which to me was one step away from being the first woman priest. Seeing my disappointment, my teacher, Sister K., would sneak me over to the church when it was altar boy practice and let me be the practice priest. Oh, I took that job so seriously! I loved it! The chant, "Through Himmmm..., With Himmmmmm....., In Himmmmmmmmmm...In the unity of the Holy Spiriiiiiit....All glory and honor are Yours Almighty Fatherrrrr....For Everrrrr and Eeeeverrrrrrr ...."
Did I mention its been about 15years since I've been to a catholic mass? Yeah, that mass ceremony is still burned in my little innocent spirit. You know why? Because despite the fact that I would never become the first altar boy that was a girl, culminating in being the first woman priest, my spirit never forgot my truth. Which is that there is a bigger truth above the rules of a certain religion, any religion, or any separate god which is supposed to be better than the other guy's god for that matter. There is a HIGHER TRUTH. There is Spirit which is the Creator and Divine that exists within all of us and we all have the potential to co-create if we surrender control to the magic and the mystery. And the power. And believe, as if an innocent child, that we can do anything, be anything, if it is Spirit's intent. And since we are of the Spirit, we will one day, in surrender to the journey, realize our greatest potential.

So, today, I am finally following my dream to teach the TRUTH as I have experienced it. I am not an official priest, but I can teach love, compassion, and forgiveness. My intent was always to teach the Highest Truth. And in the beginning, there was the word.....