Avatar was released today, "Earth Day." I absolutely love this movie and all the various layers and symbolism could be mined for days as far as I'm concerned. When I took my boys to see it, I was so elated that afterward they both said, "Hey Mom, that movie was about all that spiritual stuff you always talk about!" Oh YAY! They DO listen, they REALLY REALLY DO! I love the concept of how we are all connected, and on Earth Day, this is such an important lesson to celebrate...
One of the most beautiful lines and lessons from the movie, I believe, is the quote "I see you..."
I love how many layers there are to this and how many applications there are for us to use this in all sorts of relationships and situations. We often look at the outside, or apparent physical attributes of a person or situation, and from our perspective, make judgements and assign labels. However, because we are seeing only with the lens of our own deires, we may not see the truth. I think the truth lies in looking past what we want a person to be or a situation to be, and accepting that the reality is often more complex and beautiful, especially when we have finally witnessed and become aware of what we may believe is a "dark side."
I think most people are inherently good and want to do right by others. I think most situations work out for the good. But sometimes we want so badly for people and situations to fit our agenda, that we don't see good in the face of challenges.
I was laughing about this one morning with a special friend of mine. We were talking about our own dark sides and how we tried to mitigate through them in relationships. I was suddenly struck by how when we love something we try to make it ours and love it in the way we think it should be loved- which is probably the way WE want to be loved, but may NOT be the way in which our beloved is comfortable.
I likened it to the childhood practice of finding a little critter and putting it into a mason jar. We all have done this. Find a little critter, catch it, decide we want to keep it as a "pet" and love it and take care of it. We find a jar or box, add a twig, a leaf, and a handful of grass, maybe a rock, and put a lid on it (so it won't escape), but because we want to keep it alive, we poke little air holes on top. Maybe we catch other smaller bugs to feed it, but regardless, we give it what WE think it needs to be happy and cared for in our little jar. Funny thing though...what is good for a little caterpillar is not good for a doodlebug, or a firefly, or a large worm, or butterfly, or carpenter ant, or gecko, or grasshopper! So hopefully one day, before its too late, we realize that the little object of our affection is not thriving in the midst of our love. It needs more than a mason jar with holes in the lid and sticks and grass. Hopefully we let the little critter out and it finds its way back to its natural habitat. Of course it would be cool at 8years old to be able to ask a doodlebug what it likes to eat and if it will stay with you and be your pet. But we can't do that. We can do that with our personal relationships though. We can ask what our beloved desires and if they are honest, and we are honest, we may be able to accomodate. But how often do we ask? How often do we listen? I always tell my kids, "Be your own person, follow your heart, you can be whoever you want to be in this world-even if I don't like it. Its YOUR journey." I would have liked to have heard that when I was a kid. I also would have liked to have let the lids off the jars of many relationships I was in much sooner than I was willing. I wish I had been able to truly see, and love others for who they were, rather than who I wanted them to be, and let them go without drama. I wish some had done the same for me. I know its hard sometimes, to love something or someone, and let it go. But when you truly see a person, or situation for who and what it truly is, and for what it truly needs, its so much easier. Its also easier to see the person or situation that is truly right for you.
In Avatar, there is another line, "I choose you.." Who doesn't want to hear those words? The key is, to make sure they truly see you, and you them. For if they choose you, and aren't seeing you, you might end up in a mason jar with tiny holes. Remember who you are. Always. Accept others for who they truly are. Doodlebugs, butterflies, fireflies, worms, other people, yourself, circumstances. See all for who or what it is, and in that, you will truly love and find connection, freedom, and peace.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
If You Want To Capture Someone's Attention...whisper
Remember that perfume commercial from the 70's or 80's touting the allure of a subtle whisper of fragrance to draw the male species in for a closer whiff? - "If you want to capture someone's attention- whisper." I don't remember the perfume, but I do remember the catch phrase. I mean, really, who wouldn't stop dead in their tracks at the breathy whisper of the word "whisper." Sooo seductive, and alluring.
I even had some teachers who used the technique. After trying to reign in a class full of hormonally driven and riled up tweens and teens, I have seen teachers stop the chaos and insanity by calmly going to the blackboard and beginning the lecture with a barely audible tone of voice. There is something weird and mysterious in an adult who calmly goes about the business at hand while there is chaos and mayhem at hand in the eyes of a teen. Kind of makes you wonder what lurks beneath...
This, I think, is akin to the way God works. (I must take a side bar here to point out that I do NOT feel comfortable putting a name like "God" on the awesome Spirit of the Divine. I will interchangeably call Spirit, "Spirit", "God", "Creator", "Divine", "Love", "Light", "One" etc, because how do you actually put a finite name on an energy that is the alpha and the omega, always was and always will be, forever changing, entirely of us and within us and always in a state of creating? It's too awesome and I think naming is so limiting, but how else do we talk or write about the Divine?)
God or Spirit works in the midst of chaos, despite chaos, underneath what we think we are seeing or hearing in the physical world. God is always present, always ready to be seen, heard, and experienced- key word is EXPERIENCED but we have to become aware; become open and still enough to hear the whispers. We can read all we want about God, we can pray all we want for answers, but until we learn to experience Spirit in a very personal sense, daily, the reality of our intimate connection will be lost.
So here's the FUN PART- the whispers are EVERYWHERE! When you begin to become aware of, and experience the whispers, at first you will feel a sense of the Twilight Zone. I have experienced outright fear, wtf?, spontaneous and crazy-esque laughter, crying, unworthiness, awesomeness, oneness, peace, and "well, of course-ness." Here's the IMPORTANT PART-when you become aware and begin to experience with regularity Spirit's availabilty and intimacy in your life, you should begin to realize (REAL EYES) that Spirit is not just available to you. You should begin to see that there is not one religion, not one name, not one enlightened being, not one people for whom Spirit exists and therefore, in your intimate connection with God, you will know God in everyone and everything that exists. You will begin to see more compassionately towards yourself and others. You will see that beyond the physical lies only Spirit.THIS IS GOD. THIS IS LOVE. THIS IS IT. And you will see that you have the power to create the life you want by working intentionally with Spirit.
Now, here's the part where I really might sound nutty to many out there who are just getting started towards intentional living. Look for Spirit. Ask Spirit to talk to you. Ask for Signs. Have the intention that you will. You can't do this from the skeptics point of view. Expect an answer.
Here is a list of ways I have experienced Spirit:
Animals- many animals carry messages.
Music-ever hear a song just when you need to?
Dreams- ask to be given answers in your dreams.
"Little Voices"- aka- intuition. Don't discount.
Someone you were thinking of shows up or calls "out of the blue."
Fortune Cookies- don't laugh.
Colors- colors have energy that relate to certain chakras and forces of energy.
Books- Pick up your favorite book or a book you haven't read in a while, like the Bible. Ask God to open the page to what you need to read, or see.
Tarot cards- lots of messages and positive guidance
Astrology- its more than the newspaper horoscope!
( -I need to take another side bar- people who are clairvoyant and are
able to connect to Spirit for purposes of Love and Light, will NOT
get you hooked on them. They will be there for you as guides and
will help you to fine tune your own intuition. They will also remind
you that everything is fluid and subject to change based on free
will.)
Meditation-ask God to quiet your mind and open your heart.
Visualization- ditto.
Visualization Boards- put images and words on a large board of things you would like to manifest. Approach from desire to share abundance with love.
Dance- if you can't quiet your mind, put on music and dance without care .
Try to focus on either the words or a beat and let your body move orgainically.
Feng Shui- the art of arranging objects and colors in your home to increase positive energy flow.
I can't promise you will hear the whispers overnight. I can't promise you will ever hear the whispers if you don't believe you will first. I can promise that if you have the INTENTION to have an intimate relationship and experience with Spirit, that these are some ways to get there. I will be a bit more explicit next time. For now, remember, God is trying to capture your attention. Spirit wants to draw you closer as much as you desire to become closer. Hey, maybe I'm a whisper too.
I even had some teachers who used the technique. After trying to reign in a class full of hormonally driven and riled up tweens and teens, I have seen teachers stop the chaos and insanity by calmly going to the blackboard and beginning the lecture with a barely audible tone of voice. There is something weird and mysterious in an adult who calmly goes about the business at hand while there is chaos and mayhem at hand in the eyes of a teen. Kind of makes you wonder what lurks beneath...
This, I think, is akin to the way God works. (I must take a side bar here to point out that I do NOT feel comfortable putting a name like "God" on the awesome Spirit of the Divine. I will interchangeably call Spirit, "Spirit", "God", "Creator", "Divine", "Love", "Light", "One" etc, because how do you actually put a finite name on an energy that is the alpha and the omega, always was and always will be, forever changing, entirely of us and within us and always in a state of creating? It's too awesome and I think naming is so limiting, but how else do we talk or write about the Divine?)
God or Spirit works in the midst of chaos, despite chaos, underneath what we think we are seeing or hearing in the physical world. God is always present, always ready to be seen, heard, and experienced- key word is EXPERIENCED but we have to become aware; become open and still enough to hear the whispers. We can read all we want about God, we can pray all we want for answers, but until we learn to experience Spirit in a very personal sense, daily, the reality of our intimate connection will be lost.
So here's the FUN PART- the whispers are EVERYWHERE! When you begin to become aware of, and experience the whispers, at first you will feel a sense of the Twilight Zone. I have experienced outright fear, wtf?, spontaneous and crazy-esque laughter, crying, unworthiness, awesomeness, oneness, peace, and "well, of course-ness." Here's the IMPORTANT PART-when you become aware and begin to experience with regularity Spirit's availabilty and intimacy in your life, you should begin to realize (REAL EYES) that Spirit is not just available to you. You should begin to see that there is not one religion, not one name, not one enlightened being, not one people for whom Spirit exists and therefore, in your intimate connection with God, you will know God in everyone and everything that exists. You will begin to see more compassionately towards yourself and others. You will see that beyond the physical lies only Spirit.THIS IS GOD. THIS IS LOVE. THIS IS IT. And you will see that you have the power to create the life you want by working intentionally with Spirit.
Now, here's the part where I really might sound nutty to many out there who are just getting started towards intentional living. Look for Spirit. Ask Spirit to talk to you. Ask for Signs. Have the intention that you will. You can't do this from the skeptics point of view. Expect an answer.
Here is a list of ways I have experienced Spirit:
Animals- many animals carry messages.
Music-ever hear a song just when you need to?
Dreams- ask to be given answers in your dreams.
"Little Voices"- aka- intuition. Don't discount.
Someone you were thinking of shows up or calls "out of the blue."
Fortune Cookies- don't laugh.
Colors- colors have energy that relate to certain chakras and forces of energy.
Books- Pick up your favorite book or a book you haven't read in a while, like the Bible. Ask God to open the page to what you need to read, or see.
Tarot cards- lots of messages and positive guidance
Astrology- its more than the newspaper horoscope!
( -I need to take another side bar- people who are clairvoyant and are
able to connect to Spirit for purposes of Love and Light, will NOT
get you hooked on them. They will be there for you as guides and
will help you to fine tune your own intuition. They will also remind
you that everything is fluid and subject to change based on free
will.)
Meditation-ask God to quiet your mind and open your heart.
Visualization- ditto.
Visualization Boards- put images and words on a large board of things you would like to manifest. Approach from desire to share abundance with love.
Dance- if you can't quiet your mind, put on music and dance without care .
Try to focus on either the words or a beat and let your body move orgainically.
Feng Shui- the art of arranging objects and colors in your home to increase positive energy flow.
I can't promise you will hear the whispers overnight. I can't promise you will ever hear the whispers if you don't believe you will first. I can promise that if you have the INTENTION to have an intimate relationship and experience with Spirit, that these are some ways to get there. I will be a bit more explicit next time. For now, remember, God is trying to capture your attention. Spirit wants to draw you closer as much as you desire to become closer. Hey, maybe I'm a whisper too.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Belly Dancing
So, I started belly dancing classes last week which is something I have wanted to do since I had an emergency surgery last July. This surgery was a series of at least 5 hospitalizations in the last 3 years including 3 surgeries for endometriosis, bowel obstructions as a result of scar tissue, and a colon resection. After one surgery in 2007, I awoke to partial paralysis as a result of the surgery taking twice the amount of time that was suggested would be the worst case scenario. I had to overcome the nerve damage and begin the slow, but steady, and often times painful process of walking again. It was after this surgery that I realized that God was talking to me through my body and my recurring issues with perfectionism, control, and personal responsibility.
I was also in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship at the time- one that I am grateful for now because it also taught me, and brought me to the same place of awareness- that something was seriously going to have to change within me- spiritually and emotionally- before I could heal physically. Or more importantly deal physically with the present. So, along with body parts, I left the relationship in the hospital- and spiraled into depression. What was all this about anyway?!? Why me?
And what I know now is it had to be me. All of these things have been pieces of a journey that I needed in order to do what I am doing now, which is writing about healing and spiritual truth.
I have read many books on spirituality and healing and I will write about many of the other ways I have found to connect with God, or Spirit, but one author has been very helpful to me in connecting many of the dots between spiritual and physical healing- Caroline Myss. Her most recent book- Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing is very easy to read and connects the teachings of Christianity, Kabbalah, and Chakra energy to spiritual growth, awareness, and healing.
So, here's the tough part- I am going to admit to the world that I have deep seated fears. The good news is that I have also overcome many of them, but I still find myself wrestling with some involving, mostly, I think, abandonment and self esteem. These fears are deeply seated in the second and third chakras. According to Myss- and now my personal experience- these chakras relate to the sacrament of communion and confirmation by which we learn honor one another and honor oneself.
Physical illnesses that stem from fears of the 2nd chakra are found in the "sexual organs, large intestine, lower vertebrae, pelvis, hip area, appendix, and bladder...illnesses that originate in this center are activated by fear of losing control." Fears stemming from the 3rd chakra manifest in the "stomach, pancreas, adrenals, upper intestines, gallbladder, liver, middle spine, located behind the solar plexus.....illnesses that originate here are activated by issues related to self responsiblity, self esteem, fear of rejection, and an oversensitivity to criticism."
What does this have to do with belly dancing you ask? Everything! Listen, the first thing I understood when I found myself unable to walk was that as much as I wanted to control my life, to make perfect choices, to control the actions of others (ie-abusive man), outcomes (ie-the relationship status), etc, I could only control my reaction to that which I must surrender to a higher power and purpose. I literally cried out one day as I was walking out into the world with my new cane- "OK! I surrender! I do NOT understand! I will accept this as a sign that I must trust the journey and it begins with being grateful for baby steps." The paradox of gaining control and personal responsibility is that first we must surrender. It has NOT been easy! I landed my butt and colon back in that hospital many times after that, and I hope I will not again, but who knows? So, in July, when I had to have yet another surgery, and this time they needed to make the incision vertical from pelvis up past my belly button- guess who felt sorry for herself and wondered again- who will want THIS body all cut up and scarred? And why again? I am trying sooooo haaarrrd! Well, you know, I did feel that way for all of a few days, but soon I realized that again, I needed to find the lesson. Perhaps I will never know why in God's scheme, it's too big to fathom, but I see for myself, that I need to accept what I can not control with grace and style and a touch of humor. So, my thoughts were to 1) turn the scar into a giant daisy tattoo, or 2) take belly dancing classes.
I am owning my body, scarred or not. I am owning my emotional state, scarred or not. I am owning my power to move through the world with joy, style, and a certain amount of uncertainty that I know or have the right moves. I can shimmy, and shake, and not know all the steps or look perfect, or have the pefect love, or dance perfectly, but I AM DANCING. And I hope that whether I am dancing, designing, writing, loving, leaping, or crash landing, that my INTENTIONS to HEAL and GROW in love and light are manifesting in my belly and my heart.
I was also in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship at the time- one that I am grateful for now because it also taught me, and brought me to the same place of awareness- that something was seriously going to have to change within me- spiritually and emotionally- before I could heal physically. Or more importantly deal physically with the present. So, along with body parts, I left the relationship in the hospital- and spiraled into depression. What was all this about anyway?!? Why me?
And what I know now is it had to be me. All of these things have been pieces of a journey that I needed in order to do what I am doing now, which is writing about healing and spiritual truth.
I have read many books on spirituality and healing and I will write about many of the other ways I have found to connect with God, or Spirit, but one author has been very helpful to me in connecting many of the dots between spiritual and physical healing- Caroline Myss. Her most recent book- Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing is very easy to read and connects the teachings of Christianity, Kabbalah, and Chakra energy to spiritual growth, awareness, and healing.
So, here's the tough part- I am going to admit to the world that I have deep seated fears. The good news is that I have also overcome many of them, but I still find myself wrestling with some involving, mostly, I think, abandonment and self esteem. These fears are deeply seated in the second and third chakras. According to Myss- and now my personal experience- these chakras relate to the sacrament of communion and confirmation by which we learn honor one another and honor oneself.
Physical illnesses that stem from fears of the 2nd chakra are found in the "sexual organs, large intestine, lower vertebrae, pelvis, hip area, appendix, and bladder...illnesses that originate in this center are activated by fear of losing control." Fears stemming from the 3rd chakra manifest in the "stomach, pancreas, adrenals, upper intestines, gallbladder, liver, middle spine, located behind the solar plexus.....illnesses that originate here are activated by issues related to self responsiblity, self esteem, fear of rejection, and an oversensitivity to criticism."
What does this have to do with belly dancing you ask? Everything! Listen, the first thing I understood when I found myself unable to walk was that as much as I wanted to control my life, to make perfect choices, to control the actions of others (ie-abusive man), outcomes (ie-the relationship status), etc, I could only control my reaction to that which I must surrender to a higher power and purpose. I literally cried out one day as I was walking out into the world with my new cane- "OK! I surrender! I do NOT understand! I will accept this as a sign that I must trust the journey and it begins with being grateful for baby steps." The paradox of gaining control and personal responsibility is that first we must surrender. It has NOT been easy! I landed my butt and colon back in that hospital many times after that, and I hope I will not again, but who knows? So, in July, when I had to have yet another surgery, and this time they needed to make the incision vertical from pelvis up past my belly button- guess who felt sorry for herself and wondered again- who will want THIS body all cut up and scarred? And why again? I am trying sooooo haaarrrd! Well, you know, I did feel that way for all of a few days, but soon I realized that again, I needed to find the lesson. Perhaps I will never know why in God's scheme, it's too big to fathom, but I see for myself, that I need to accept what I can not control with grace and style and a touch of humor. So, my thoughts were to 1) turn the scar into a giant daisy tattoo, or 2) take belly dancing classes.
I am owning my body, scarred or not. I am owning my emotional state, scarred or not. I am owning my power to move through the world with joy, style, and a certain amount of uncertainty that I know or have the right moves. I can shimmy, and shake, and not know all the steps or look perfect, or have the pefect love, or dance perfectly, but I AM DANCING. And I hope that whether I am dancing, designing, writing, loving, leaping, or crash landing, that my INTENTIONS to HEAL and GROW in love and light are manifesting in my belly and my heart.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Wine or Whine?
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven....
This is a verse from the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible, not just a verse in a Beatles ( or Byrds) song- as great as it was.----side bar- I'm tired,(oops! I mean, I have tiredness within me) and just want to write. I do not want to research any of this, so forgive me if I offend any music fans!
The book of Ecclesiastes was almost left out of the bible because (if I remember correctly) it was either too depressing, or too hedonistic. Hmmmm. Sounds pretty much the way I may flow from one week to the next, one day to the next, and sometimes one hour to the next. Which is why I love this book! The author says bsically- hey, we are all dead sooner or later, and none of this life means anythng when your worm food, so just eat, drink, and be merry! To which I say, (if I'm in a good mood), "Yay! Let's celebrate the abundance and the wine and song!", (and if I'm in a bad mood), "Yeah, I'll drink to that. What's it all about anyway? Who cares?"
And you know what? That's okay! We don't have to be happy all the time! Nor do we have to censor our exuberance for life! Happiness, sadness, life, death, is all transient. That's the lesson. It's important to live authentically and accept the ebbs and flows. I read in a book that I'm too tired to look for right now, that it's important to acknowledge your existing feelings and place in your life, not by saying "I am sad (or happy, or angry, or tired..)" but to say, "Sadness dwells within me at this moment." And then sit with that knowing that "this too shall pass." Because if you can do that, then when the inevitable change in that state comes upon you, you can sit in THAT space, in peace, knowing that "this too shall pass."
Today, I was anxious. I'm going through a lot of changes. Not the least of which is THE CHANGE, so my hormones take over me sometimes. But in addition, I've made another change in my work which makes me feel vulnerable and unsure, I'm in a relationship which is requiring me to look not only at the man I'm dating with an ever more realistic viewpoint, but myself and all the stuff I bring to that viewpoint. Anxiety dwells within me about every 3 hours. However, when I remember to tell myself, this too shall pass, or it's only where I am at this moment, it's not my life sentence, then things begin to slowly settle into peacefulness. Today, I went from feeling like I want to drown in wine to wanting a friend to celebrate with a glass of the same. I started off feeling like I need a steady job, but ended up feeling ecstatic that the job I have utilzes my creativity and allows me to bring joy to others. What more could I want? Well, more of THAT, I suppose.
Therefore, I am going to begin to manifest more of THAT, by being grateful for it's presence in my life, right now. I'm also going to write, right here, right now, what my intention is with regard to finding peace, joy, and abundance:
Thank You Spirit for giving me the eyes to see opportunities to bring joy and creativity into my life. Thank you for the gifts you have already given me that will enable me to take those opportunities and manifest more joy and gratitude for others. Thank you for all that keeps my family secure and healthy and joyful, and fed. Please help me to see the times when I bring negativity into my life by refusing to accept what is. Help me to hear your voice, and dwell in the life you will for me, with me, so that I may be a blessing to others.
If it is your will, I know it will be for the good of all, so help me to be strong, and wise, humble and competant. Help me to live without judgement and accept the seasons of my life.
It's my version of the serenity prayer.
I hope you pray it for me as well. We should all pray this for eachother, for if each one of us, as individuals, were able to dwell within this state of peace and acceptance and surrender, Oh what a wonderful World....
Here's to you, my friends. I'm going to pour me a glass of wine and wait for the opportunities, and revel in this season. Can't wait to see what blooms!
This is a verse from the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible, not just a verse in a Beatles ( or Byrds) song- as great as it was.----side bar- I'm tired,(oops! I mean, I have tiredness within me) and just want to write. I do not want to research any of this, so forgive me if I offend any music fans!
The book of Ecclesiastes was almost left out of the bible because (if I remember correctly) it was either too depressing, or too hedonistic. Hmmmm. Sounds pretty much the way I may flow from one week to the next, one day to the next, and sometimes one hour to the next. Which is why I love this book! The author says bsically- hey, we are all dead sooner or later, and none of this life means anythng when your worm food, so just eat, drink, and be merry! To which I say, (if I'm in a good mood), "Yay! Let's celebrate the abundance and the wine and song!", (and if I'm in a bad mood), "Yeah, I'll drink to that. What's it all about anyway? Who cares?"
And you know what? That's okay! We don't have to be happy all the time! Nor do we have to censor our exuberance for life! Happiness, sadness, life, death, is all transient. That's the lesson. It's important to live authentically and accept the ebbs and flows. I read in a book that I'm too tired to look for right now, that it's important to acknowledge your existing feelings and place in your life, not by saying "I am sad (or happy, or angry, or tired..)" but to say, "Sadness dwells within me at this moment." And then sit with that knowing that "this too shall pass." Because if you can do that, then when the inevitable change in that state comes upon you, you can sit in THAT space, in peace, knowing that "this too shall pass."
Today, I was anxious. I'm going through a lot of changes. Not the least of which is THE CHANGE, so my hormones take over me sometimes. But in addition, I've made another change in my work which makes me feel vulnerable and unsure, I'm in a relationship which is requiring me to look not only at the man I'm dating with an ever more realistic viewpoint, but myself and all the stuff I bring to that viewpoint. Anxiety dwells within me about every 3 hours. However, when I remember to tell myself, this too shall pass, or it's only where I am at this moment, it's not my life sentence, then things begin to slowly settle into peacefulness. Today, I went from feeling like I want to drown in wine to wanting a friend to celebrate with a glass of the same. I started off feeling like I need a steady job, but ended up feeling ecstatic that the job I have utilzes my creativity and allows me to bring joy to others. What more could I want? Well, more of THAT, I suppose.
Therefore, I am going to begin to manifest more of THAT, by being grateful for it's presence in my life, right now. I'm also going to write, right here, right now, what my intention is with regard to finding peace, joy, and abundance:
Thank You Spirit for giving me the eyes to see opportunities to bring joy and creativity into my life. Thank you for the gifts you have already given me that will enable me to take those opportunities and manifest more joy and gratitude for others. Thank you for all that keeps my family secure and healthy and joyful, and fed. Please help me to see the times when I bring negativity into my life by refusing to accept what is. Help me to hear your voice, and dwell in the life you will for me, with me, so that I may be a blessing to others.
If it is your will, I know it will be for the good of all, so help me to be strong, and wise, humble and competant. Help me to live without judgement and accept the seasons of my life.
It's my version of the serenity prayer.
I hope you pray it for me as well. We should all pray this for eachother, for if each one of us, as individuals, were able to dwell within this state of peace and acceptance and surrender, Oh what a wonderful World....
Here's to you, my friends. I'm going to pour me a glass of wine and wait for the opportunities, and revel in this season. Can't wait to see what blooms!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
So how do we begin to heal? How do we begin to see our journey and life as one of beauty, magic, mystery, hope, and ultimately, what I call BIG HEART LOVE? How are able to begin to forgive and find joy and peace in the ups and downs of this vida loca?
I believe it requires, in the beginning, a willingness to suspend disbelief. It's like when you go to the theatre to see a movie or a play. You must tell yourself "I am willing to accept that actor is not Tom Cruise, he is really Jerry McGuire and he has girl troubles. You must tell yourself that it is possible that he changes his ways, heals his pain and fear, and selfishness, and then is able to get the girl, the contract, and regain his top agent status all in the time frame of 2hours or in under the span of a year," (let's say.) So, cool. Popcorn, soda, Jerry Macguire, "You complete me....", "You had me at 'hello'" and all the stuff that makes going to the movies fun and an escape from the ordinariness of, or the hectic-ness of the day. You leave and you kind of have a little spring in your step, or if you saw a movie that was deep and dark and maybe even a little sad, well, you have something to think about, something to give you pause, and reflect on the human condition, right?
Well, I am going to tell you that if you are willing to suspend disbelief (in the beginning) that you will realize that this life is like a movie. Its fun, its magic, its not what it seems, its an illusion, and you are the co-director of the movie called, LIFE. And there is a HAPPY ENDING!!!!!Yay! I love those...
But, in order to see the movie, you must REAL EYES. What? Yes, not realize...not real-ize (as in "Here is my flat tire, in the middle of rush hour, on my way to a big meeting, and I just spilled my Starbucks all over my new suit!"), that is looking only at the picture with eyes meant for the physical plane. I mean put on your REAL EYES, the one that some cultures call your "third eye" or even maybe your intuition. You must be able to see the bigger picture. The one meant for spiritual understanding and growth. Some might simply call it faith.
Of course, faith is something that is inherently based on the unseen and, perhaps, the un-provable (is that a word?). But sometimes we all need a little help, don't we? Sometimes we know that we need an intervention from God, angels, spirit guides, or whatever we believe has a power that is higher than what we think of as ourselves. Yet, sometimes, we pray or ask for help and have little faith that we are worthy to receive. Many of us have been taught that we are separate form our Creator, that we need to prove our worthiness, or our needs are not important enough to be heard. This could not be farther from the truth. We are intimately connected to the Creator. So much so, that there is not a way to be separated, unless we choose not to see with our real eyes. When we begin to see the world with our real eyes,we are then able to see that we are all connected. Not only to the Creator, but to each other. I mean interconnected. It is from this point of view that the walls of judgement, shame, ego, fear, anger, jealousy, and hate dissolve. When we KNOW we are all one in the DIVINE, and that this life is a spiritual exercise (or exorcise- as the case often is), then we can accept with joy and peace the drama, the game, or the movie as it unfolds. It is all good in the end.
As we approach the Easter celebration, we look at the life of Jesus. I started to write, "and death," but that really isn't what we are supposed to focus on is it? The road leading up to the crucifixion certainly was painful, certainly didn't seem "fair," certainly is hard to imagine. However, it seems to me, that the whole point of this drama, the whole point of Jesus' life and all of His teachings, was to ask us to see beyond the physical. To understand that his life never was about the crucifixion, it was about the faith He put in the Creator. It was about the journey leading up to the transformation. Spirit, manifested as physical, and back again to Spirit. He taught that this was life for all of us. We must surrender to the will of God, knowing that God's will is why we are here to begin with. Our purpose is to co-create His Spirit which is only one of love and compassion and those together ARE forgiveness. Giving our physical life, consciously, over to the Highest Good is what its all about.
My personal real eyes-ation began after one of my many surgeries for endometriosis. The surgery went twice the time they anticipated for the "worst case scenario" and I woke up partially paralyzed. I will write more on this later, however, that was the time when I made the conscious decision to not only surrender, but to see the good in the situation, to see the opportunity for spiritual growth and hopefully understanding. It was HAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD! I truly died in many ways at that time, and had to be brought back to life and the land of the living with the support of family, friends, drugs, books, prayers, a leopard print cane, and many many many buckets of tears. But my cross was carried, and my transformation took place, one baby step at a time- literally and figuratively-, and God knows I have gotten back up, only to be knocked back down. But each time, my faith grew stronger. My willingness to accept what I didn't understand became my journey. My intention was to have the faith of Jesus. I literally said that! So, I did whatever I had to, in order to learn more about faith, God, healing, love, compassion. I learned the connection between spiritual health and disease was directly linked to physical health and disease. And the only way to heal was to begin with the Spirit.
One of the books I read, and I have read MANY, is called DISCOVERING YOUR SOUL MISSION by Linda Brady. I found it at half price books as I literally sat hunkered in a corner crying uncontrollably. A woman asked me what I was looking for. I told her I didn't know. I mean, I was in the spirituality area, and I was looking at more metaphysical books, (because, as you will read about later- along with body parts, I also had to leave an abusive 31/2 year relationship at the hospital), so I was looking for many answers as to WHY?!? WHY? WHYYYYY???? I never looked up at her as she continued to offer me help to find a book. I suppose part of it was utter shame and embarrassment, some of it anger at having someone be nice to me as I wallowed in my sorrow, some of it that I truthfully hoped a book would just show up titled, WHY YOU CAN'T WALK, WHY YOU ARE ALONE, AND HOW YOU CAN KNOW THE FUTURE WILL BE ALL RIGHT: IT STARTS TOMORROW AND HERE'S HOW....but it didn't. So instead, I rudely asked her to leave me alone and told her I would find something myself. Well this angel grabbed three books off the shelf, knelt down to me, and told me she recommended these, and she didn't mean to interrupt. So, finally, I looked at her. "Do you work here?" "No" she said, "I have just been THERE, sweetie. It will get better." Great, now I'm wailing to a complete stranger. Holding on to her for dear life. So grateful for her interruption. "Thank you," I said. "I'm sorry." And of course as all angels do, she replied, "No need to apologize. God Bless."
So, I begin to read the book by Linda Brady. In it, she discusses synchronicity and serendipity. She discusses Jung's thoughts that "meaningful coincidences are unthinkable as pure chance; they have to be thought of as meaningful arrangements. And meaning is what we are looking for in the symbols we create each day." She also refers to serendipity as "understanding and appreciating that unexpected outcomes are just as viable to our evolution and and happiness as expected ones." Her suggestion is to pick a tangible symbol that represents something to you, be it a color, a favorite animal, a symbol, any thing, that when you see it, reminds you that "no matter what is going on, regardless of how painful the moment, it reminds... that a wonderful, unexpected surprise is waiting to be discovered."
So, this is what I did. I saw my need to have a symbol that helped me in my faith. I needed to have something tangible that was like a whisper from God, saying "You're on the right path kid, I'm with you, I got your back." So given that I knew I was in the middle of a transformation, and a sudden realization that I had to surrender to it, I chose the butterfly. Amazingly, after I did so, I real eyesd that on my mirror I had already taped a saying "You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar to become a butterfly. And later, as I began to see butterflies, (more on that later), I realized that years before, my father had said to me in the way he only could- frustrated and brusquely, "Missy, you are so talented. Smart. But you won't stay still long enough for anything. To do something with your life! You keep flitting around like a god damned butterfly! One day a brain surgeon, the next day a race car driver! Just pick something and stick with it!" I remembered that day feeling shame and guilt for what really was a frustrating truth for both of us. But I now remember that day as a magical day foreshadowing what I hope is my greatest legacy: to surrender to the journey God lays out for me. To know in my heart that He is not only with me, but within me, and that I can have peace in the times of my life when I must experience a kind of death- to be transformed again, and again, and again. I'm truly grateful for the day I woke up and could not physically walk; felt so scared and alone, for it was also the day I took my first step walking spiritually, hand in hand with my Creator. Today, I see butterflies everywhere when I need to, and I feel my spiritual wings. I have more peace, love, and compassion for myself as well as for others. What a gift!
Happy Easter or Happy Spring! Take some time to think about your synchronicity or serendipity symbol. Choose one and suspend disbelief. KNOW that you will see your symbol when you need to, and that that is Spirit's way of letting you know- you are starting to see with real eyes.
I believe it requires, in the beginning, a willingness to suspend disbelief. It's like when you go to the theatre to see a movie or a play. You must tell yourself "I am willing to accept that actor is not Tom Cruise, he is really Jerry McGuire and he has girl troubles. You must tell yourself that it is possible that he changes his ways, heals his pain and fear, and selfishness, and then is able to get the girl, the contract, and regain his top agent status all in the time frame of 2hours or in under the span of a year," (let's say.) So, cool. Popcorn, soda, Jerry Macguire, "You complete me....", "You had me at 'hello'" and all the stuff that makes going to the movies fun and an escape from the ordinariness of, or the hectic-ness of the day. You leave and you kind of have a little spring in your step, or if you saw a movie that was deep and dark and maybe even a little sad, well, you have something to think about, something to give you pause, and reflect on the human condition, right?
Well, I am going to tell you that if you are willing to suspend disbelief (in the beginning) that you will realize that this life is like a movie. Its fun, its magic, its not what it seems, its an illusion, and you are the co-director of the movie called, LIFE. And there is a HAPPY ENDING!!!!!Yay! I love those...
But, in order to see the movie, you must REAL EYES. What? Yes, not realize...not real-ize (as in "Here is my flat tire, in the middle of rush hour, on my way to a big meeting, and I just spilled my Starbucks all over my new suit!"), that is looking only at the picture with eyes meant for the physical plane. I mean put on your REAL EYES, the one that some cultures call your "third eye" or even maybe your intuition. You must be able to see the bigger picture. The one meant for spiritual understanding and growth. Some might simply call it faith.
Of course, faith is something that is inherently based on the unseen and, perhaps, the un-provable (is that a word?). But sometimes we all need a little help, don't we? Sometimes we know that we need an intervention from God, angels, spirit guides, or whatever we believe has a power that is higher than what we think of as ourselves. Yet, sometimes, we pray or ask for help and have little faith that we are worthy to receive. Many of us have been taught that we are separate form our Creator, that we need to prove our worthiness, or our needs are not important enough to be heard. This could not be farther from the truth. We are intimately connected to the Creator. So much so, that there is not a way to be separated, unless we choose not to see with our real eyes. When we begin to see the world with our real eyes,we are then able to see that we are all connected. Not only to the Creator, but to each other. I mean interconnected. It is from this point of view that the walls of judgement, shame, ego, fear, anger, jealousy, and hate dissolve. When we KNOW we are all one in the DIVINE, and that this life is a spiritual exercise (or exorcise- as the case often is), then we can accept with joy and peace the drama, the game, or the movie as it unfolds. It is all good in the end.
As we approach the Easter celebration, we look at the life of Jesus. I started to write, "and death," but that really isn't what we are supposed to focus on is it? The road leading up to the crucifixion certainly was painful, certainly didn't seem "fair," certainly is hard to imagine. However, it seems to me, that the whole point of this drama, the whole point of Jesus' life and all of His teachings, was to ask us to see beyond the physical. To understand that his life never was about the crucifixion, it was about the faith He put in the Creator. It was about the journey leading up to the transformation. Spirit, manifested as physical, and back again to Spirit. He taught that this was life for all of us. We must surrender to the will of God, knowing that God's will is why we are here to begin with. Our purpose is to co-create His Spirit which is only one of love and compassion and those together ARE forgiveness. Giving our physical life, consciously, over to the Highest Good is what its all about.
My personal real eyes-ation began after one of my many surgeries for endometriosis. The surgery went twice the time they anticipated for the "worst case scenario" and I woke up partially paralyzed. I will write more on this later, however, that was the time when I made the conscious decision to not only surrender, but to see the good in the situation, to see the opportunity for spiritual growth and hopefully understanding. It was HAAAARRRRRRDDDDDD! I truly died in many ways at that time, and had to be brought back to life and the land of the living with the support of family, friends, drugs, books, prayers, a leopard print cane, and many many many buckets of tears. But my cross was carried, and my transformation took place, one baby step at a time- literally and figuratively-, and God knows I have gotten back up, only to be knocked back down. But each time, my faith grew stronger. My willingness to accept what I didn't understand became my journey. My intention was to have the faith of Jesus. I literally said that! So, I did whatever I had to, in order to learn more about faith, God, healing, love, compassion. I learned the connection between spiritual health and disease was directly linked to physical health and disease. And the only way to heal was to begin with the Spirit.
One of the books I read, and I have read MANY, is called DISCOVERING YOUR SOUL MISSION by Linda Brady. I found it at half price books as I literally sat hunkered in a corner crying uncontrollably. A woman asked me what I was looking for. I told her I didn't know. I mean, I was in the spirituality area, and I was looking at more metaphysical books, (because, as you will read about later- along with body parts, I also had to leave an abusive 31/2 year relationship at the hospital), so I was looking for many answers as to WHY?!? WHY? WHYYYYY???? I never looked up at her as she continued to offer me help to find a book. I suppose part of it was utter shame and embarrassment, some of it anger at having someone be nice to me as I wallowed in my sorrow, some of it that I truthfully hoped a book would just show up titled, WHY YOU CAN'T WALK, WHY YOU ARE ALONE, AND HOW YOU CAN KNOW THE FUTURE WILL BE ALL RIGHT: IT STARTS TOMORROW AND HERE'S HOW....but it didn't. So instead, I rudely asked her to leave me alone and told her I would find something myself. Well this angel grabbed three books off the shelf, knelt down to me, and told me she recommended these, and she didn't mean to interrupt. So, finally, I looked at her. "Do you work here?" "No" she said, "I have just been THERE, sweetie. It will get better." Great, now I'm wailing to a complete stranger. Holding on to her for dear life. So grateful for her interruption. "Thank you," I said. "I'm sorry." And of course as all angels do, she replied, "No need to apologize. God Bless."
So, I begin to read the book by Linda Brady. In it, she discusses synchronicity and serendipity. She discusses Jung's thoughts that "meaningful coincidences are unthinkable as pure chance; they have to be thought of as meaningful arrangements. And meaning is what we are looking for in the symbols we create each day." She also refers to serendipity as "understanding and appreciating that unexpected outcomes are just as viable to our evolution and and happiness as expected ones." Her suggestion is to pick a tangible symbol that represents something to you, be it a color, a favorite animal, a symbol, any thing, that when you see it, reminds you that "no matter what is going on, regardless of how painful the moment, it reminds... that a wonderful, unexpected surprise is waiting to be discovered."
So, this is what I did. I saw my need to have a symbol that helped me in my faith. I needed to have something tangible that was like a whisper from God, saying "You're on the right path kid, I'm with you, I got your back." So given that I knew I was in the middle of a transformation, and a sudden realization that I had to surrender to it, I chose the butterfly. Amazingly, after I did so, I real eyesd that on my mirror I had already taped a saying "You must be willing to give up being a caterpillar to become a butterfly. And later, as I began to see butterflies, (more on that later), I realized that years before, my father had said to me in the way he only could- frustrated and brusquely, "Missy, you are so talented. Smart. But you won't stay still long enough for anything. To do something with your life! You keep flitting around like a god damned butterfly! One day a brain surgeon, the next day a race car driver! Just pick something and stick with it!" I remembered that day feeling shame and guilt for what really was a frustrating truth for both of us. But I now remember that day as a magical day foreshadowing what I hope is my greatest legacy: to surrender to the journey God lays out for me. To know in my heart that He is not only with me, but within me, and that I can have peace in the times of my life when I must experience a kind of death- to be transformed again, and again, and again. I'm truly grateful for the day I woke up and could not physically walk; felt so scared and alone, for it was also the day I took my first step walking spiritually, hand in hand with my Creator. Today, I see butterflies everywhere when I need to, and I feel my spiritual wings. I have more peace, love, and compassion for myself as well as for others. What a gift!
Happy Easter or Happy Spring! Take some time to think about your synchronicity or serendipity symbol. Choose one and suspend disbelief. KNOW that you will see your symbol when you need to, and that that is Spirit's way of letting you know- you are starting to see with real eyes.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
This blog is born out of the realization that I have a story to tell. I have a story that really has no beginning and no end. It is a journey that is magical in all of its steps from heartbreak to healing, from darkness to light. And back again. And again. And again. It is the story of my journey inward that has led to this day, which is the day I begin the journey outward to share with anyone who cares to read it. The magic in all of this, is that this now is our journey. And it always has been. My intention is to share my story and through it, perhaps convince the unconvinced of the interconnectedness of us all. To show that we are connected by virtue of the Divine Creator/Spirit/Highest Power/All That is Good/Love/Nameless energy that is living in each one of us. I hope to show the power of intentional living. I hope to show the power of love and compassion- which I suppose is redundant- for healing ourselves and the world.
This is a diary of sorts, a self- help letter to the world. It is the day, that is the follow- up to the day, that I sat on the steps of my catholic grade school preparing for the cermony of my first Holy Communion. I will never forget that day- I hope- when the priest told us that if our parents were divorced, they wouldn't be able to receive the sacrament of communion in the ceremony- or ever- because they had sinned by divorcing. I was in shock. I thought, why? Weren't we receiving the "bread of life" symbolizing the ultimate sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins? I raised my hand in utter rebellion. The kind that does not wait to be called upon or thought about. It was the kind that spoke from what I KNEW intuitively was not right. "I don't think that's what JESUS would say!" Father H. looked at me with caring eyes that quietly said, "Maybe not, but that's the rule, little innocent one." The nuns looked at me and smiled, knowingly....
So, then and there, I decided I wanted to be the first woman priest. I wanted to change the rules which were not right. The rules were obviously made to be broken. They didn't make sense, and as I learned in therapy 30 years later, when something doesn't make sense, its because its nonsense. The TRUTH was being hidden and I knew it; my little innocent spirit knew it. The little innocent spirit that we are commanded to be when we want to know- in the intimate sense- our God/Father/Creator. In my innocence I believed all we had to do was say it wasn't right, and then things would change. Of course, as I grew, I became jaded. Things aren't always that easy, are they? Seemingly anyway. So, I lost my innocence. I began to develop another type of rebellion born of the desire to protect myself from the constant threat of being hurt or disappointed. I tried to control pretty much everything and when I couldn't, well, things could get ugly. Or pathetic.
Oh, I still had fight in me, you bet....
After 2nd grade and Holy Communion, comes 3rd grade and the chance to be an altar boy and part of the mass. I couldn't wait! It didn't yet strike me that altar boy contained the word "boy" which was supposed to be taken literally. Girls in the catholic church- at that time anyway- weren't allowed to participate in the mass as an altar boy. You could do a "reading" but not, you know, do the whole cool ceremony thing, which to me was one step away from being the first woman priest. Seeing my disappointment, my teacher, Sister K., would sneak me over to the church when it was altar boy practice and let me be the practice priest. Oh, I took that job so seriously! I loved it! The chant, "Through Himmmm..., With Himmmmmm....., In Himmmmmmmmmm...In the unity of the Holy Spiriiiiiit....All glory and honor are Yours Almighty Fatherrrrr....For Everrrrr and Eeeeverrrrrrr ...."
Did I mention its been about 15years since I've been to a catholic mass? Yeah, that mass ceremony is still burned in my little innocent spirit. You know why? Because despite the fact that I would never become the first altar boy that was a girl, culminating in being the first woman priest, my spirit never forgot my truth. Which is that there is a bigger truth above the rules of a certain religion, any religion, or any separate god which is supposed to be better than the other guy's god for that matter. There is a HIGHER TRUTH. There is Spirit which is the Creator and Divine that exists within all of us and we all have the potential to co-create if we surrender control to the magic and the mystery. And the power. And believe, as if an innocent child, that we can do anything, be anything, if it is Spirit's intent. And since we are of the Spirit, we will one day, in surrender to the journey, realize our greatest potential.
So, today, I am finally following my dream to teach the TRUTH as I have experienced it. I am not an official priest, but I can teach love, compassion, and forgiveness. My intent was always to teach the Highest Truth. And in the beginning, there was the word.....
This is a diary of sorts, a self- help letter to the world. It is the day, that is the follow- up to the day, that I sat on the steps of my catholic grade school preparing for the cermony of my first Holy Communion. I will never forget that day- I hope- when the priest told us that if our parents were divorced, they wouldn't be able to receive the sacrament of communion in the ceremony- or ever- because they had sinned by divorcing. I was in shock. I thought, why? Weren't we receiving the "bread of life" symbolizing the ultimate sacrifice for the forgiveness of sins? I raised my hand in utter rebellion. The kind that does not wait to be called upon or thought about. It was the kind that spoke from what I KNEW intuitively was not right. "I don't think that's what JESUS would say!" Father H. looked at me with caring eyes that quietly said, "Maybe not, but that's the rule, little innocent one." The nuns looked at me and smiled, knowingly....
So, then and there, I decided I wanted to be the first woman priest. I wanted to change the rules which were not right. The rules were obviously made to be broken. They didn't make sense, and as I learned in therapy 30 years later, when something doesn't make sense, its because its nonsense. The TRUTH was being hidden and I knew it; my little innocent spirit knew it. The little innocent spirit that we are commanded to be when we want to know- in the intimate sense- our God/Father/Creator. In my innocence I believed all we had to do was say it wasn't right, and then things would change. Of course, as I grew, I became jaded. Things aren't always that easy, are they? Seemingly anyway. So, I lost my innocence. I began to develop another type of rebellion born of the desire to protect myself from the constant threat of being hurt or disappointed. I tried to control pretty much everything and when I couldn't, well, things could get ugly. Or pathetic.
Oh, I still had fight in me, you bet....
After 2nd grade and Holy Communion, comes 3rd grade and the chance to be an altar boy and part of the mass. I couldn't wait! It didn't yet strike me that altar boy contained the word "boy" which was supposed to be taken literally. Girls in the catholic church- at that time anyway- weren't allowed to participate in the mass as an altar boy. You could do a "reading" but not, you know, do the whole cool ceremony thing, which to me was one step away from being the first woman priest. Seeing my disappointment, my teacher, Sister K., would sneak me over to the church when it was altar boy practice and let me be the practice priest. Oh, I took that job so seriously! I loved it! The chant, "Through Himmmm..., With Himmmmmm....., In Himmmmmmmmmm...In the unity of the Holy Spiriiiiiit....All glory and honor are Yours Almighty Fatherrrrr....For Everrrrr and Eeeeverrrrrrr ...."
Did I mention its been about 15years since I've been to a catholic mass? Yeah, that mass ceremony is still burned in my little innocent spirit. You know why? Because despite the fact that I would never become the first altar boy that was a girl, culminating in being the first woman priest, my spirit never forgot my truth. Which is that there is a bigger truth above the rules of a certain religion, any religion, or any separate god which is supposed to be better than the other guy's god for that matter. There is a HIGHER TRUTH. There is Spirit which is the Creator and Divine that exists within all of us and we all have the potential to co-create if we surrender control to the magic and the mystery. And the power. And believe, as if an innocent child, that we can do anything, be anything, if it is Spirit's intent. And since we are of the Spirit, we will one day, in surrender to the journey, realize our greatest potential.
So, today, I am finally following my dream to teach the TRUTH as I have experienced it. I am not an official priest, but I can teach love, compassion, and forgiveness. My intent was always to teach the Highest Truth. And in the beginning, there was the word.....
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